Sick

So, I'm sick. I have...I don't know...something. So many cold/flu things are uncategorizable, vague, morphing from season to season. There's a smorgesboard of symptoms you can have: sore throat, voice loss, fever, body & head aches, cough, sinus issues, lassitude etc. None of them are fun and no one likes to either hear or talk about them so I will move quickly on to my point which is about the psychology of the common cold:

When I am sick, it's usually because I was very busy & stressed, and did not provide for enough R & R. My body, crying out for balance and seeing that I am not listening to it, ramps up its efforts and forces me to stay down. However, I am always skeptical. I keep right on going until something definitive says "YOU ARE SICK" and I know I not only should rest, but can now do so with impunity. In other words, I don't have to feel bad about being unproductive or otherwise slacking, because, hey, can't you tell, I am sick.

All yesterday, I just sort of felt crappy, but it wasn't really enough to convince me of anything one way or the other. I'm always mystified by being sick...even after I know I've got a cold, I wander about, listless, and say things like, "Gosh, I feel so tired" and "I just don't want to get up." My partner, J, patiently reminds me: "That's beacause you're sick. Go lay down." And I'm like, "Really? Is THAT why I feel so bad?" It's as if I can't remember what I normally feel like, and I'm not convinced that I don't usually feel this way, so why the hell should I be laying about when I have things to do.

Finally, last night, I felt really blue - I also get depressed and cry when I am sick - I asked J to come give me a hug, and he said, "You're burning up!" A fever of almost 100. FINALLY - something definitive! It wasn't just apathy, laziness, avoidance, etc. I had a bona fide reason for, you know, feeling bad and doing nothing. I had a reason to go to bed at 8:30pm.

And, even though I know all this, I still have a hard time doing nothing. I think about all the many, many things I want to accomplish - from the grand (like the novels I've yet to write) to the mundane but important (like making curtains for the living room window) - and I don't want to be sick. I mean, sure, I can catch up on my reading or blogging. I fact, I just spent an hour updating my iTunes in an effort to get rid of yet even more CD's. In fact, I'm exhausted. I'm going to go lay down