Learning to Embrace the Chaos

In the last 48 hours, this has been the constant theme: learning to embrace the chaos, and by that I mean, not just tolerating it, not just grinning-and-bearing it, but really truly trying to understand it.

In what way, you ask? Well, I recently got a new position at the company I've been with for the last decade, and not only is that change enough, it's not just new to me but a brand-new position that needs to be created by the first person to have it. At the same time, I am working like mad to finish up my old job, train my replacement and actually move on. It's ALL chaos, all the unknown. Like Indiana Jones, I'm making it up as I go along.

Hence the quote I've been living by lately (or trying to): "It's not usually the changes that do us in, it's the transitions." It came from a progressive business model workbook about collaboration (a word which is is actually IN my new job title), and it was accompanied by a sort of diagram you could use to try and help you with putting that quote into action - which was this:
Endings > Wilderness > New Beginnings

Everyone who sees it loves it, and it seems most of them feel they themselves are in the wilderness right now (which they kind of are - my workplace is changing a lot at the moment), but maybe that's how the real creative stuff happens, in the wilderness.

Another example of the chaos to be embraced: I have a few friends in this weekend from out of town (SoCal and North Carolina) and they have friends with them as well, and we ALL have (apparently) different agendas & expectations. The planning of what we might possibly do went on, via email, for at least a couple of weeks before the actual trip: suggestions of favorite restaurants, attractions one has always wanted to see, hotel ideas. My partner J & I, being the locals, chimed in whenever we could, usually trying to warn them against planning on some idea that would sound good but be utterly unworkable in this city. Visitors from less urban places can't believe the traffic & parking issues alone, not to mention things like weather, festivals, construction, whatever thing they don't know about but you do.

So, it was a heady mix of strong wills, strong desires, new & old friends, zany group dynamics, many cell phone calls and, every so often, a great moment together when you all realize it was worth figuring out the logistics from hell just to get to something like this: those moments when you look at a group of friends that all know & love each other, and you think, yup, this is it. This is what it's all about.

Can also happen with family. Family chaos - I don't even need to give you example of that, since we all know in our way the chaos that can come from even the smallest attempt at family logistics. My specifics would just be redundant.

In all these instances - work, family, friends - there are the group dynamics that I have always found utterly fascinating (I mean, I'm the only person I know who loves facilitating interview panels). How one person does this, then that one shifts, then you yourself change in ways you hadn't imagined. I found myself yelling rather sharply at the entire group last night when we were having serious cab issues (and no consensus about anything - happens when alcohol is involved)...and I so very rarely yell at anyone, or even want to. They pushed me right to the limit.

But then today had moments of sheer beauty, and utter joy, in singles and twos and threes and, once or twice, the whole group. That moment of belonging, of feeling you are in the middle of something solid and yet you are totally free, that feeling of being with people you love and people who you know love you.

So it's nice, in a way, the chaos. It's kind of a cool way to set things up, after all...that if you can get through it, if you can bring yourself to go with the flow (even when you know it's headed in the wrong direction), if you can step back or step forward or whatever else is needed - even if you have to collaborate with a total stranger just to get a cab - if you can get through it all, then...ah, there comes that moment when you don't think just that it was worth the trouble but also that it was a bargain at double the stress, and you tell yourself to remind yourself - next time you get grumpy over the prospect of group logistics - that the logistics are part of the love, and the love is, naturally, worth anything at all.